Add me on bbm :)
28B8C1D6 just need people to talk to really.
i thought to myself tonight that im gonna go for a walk see if i can clear my mind. which at first it seemed to be working. i was a bit calm and it was nice to get some fresh air. but as i carried on my walk my mind wandered and drifted away as always to seamlessly impossible scenarios before coming back to reality and realizing how much my life is a joke. and then suddenly i was thinking about all the things i was trying to get away from. at this point i wasn’t even sure of where i was walking to just that i was heading in the direction of the train tracks that run through this small village. i ventured on with my thoughts slowly torturing me. coming ever closer to the upcoming train crossing. when i got there i lied down on the rails. not knowing that the next train would be in about ten minutes time. it was silent for most the time. until i heard the rumbling of the wheels from the train through the ground. i looked to my left and saw the light in the distance with no desire to move. just to let the train run me down. the horn of the train sounded away and i still did not move. until a sudden fear came over me. i moved moments before the train hit the crossing.
cause i am a cunt. i am driving myself crazy and i have let so many people down. and hurt someone i care about very much. i have been causing pain to myself cause i cant move on. no matter what i fucking do i cannot get passed this. i do not want to live no fucking more. i made mistakes to many to bare. i threw away what made me happy and what made me feel like i was moving forward in life. for things which make me feel like im standing still. FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i spend 20 minutes in the shower sometimes longer. usually about 5 of them minutes are actually doing what you should be doing in a shower. the rest usually consist of daydreaming about things that could be possible or things that are completely irrelevant and impossible.